Abandoned by God

Wooden Rosary with Cross of St. Benedict
Wooden Rosary with Cross of St. Benedict

Check out my earlier post for a recommendation personal retreat.

A few days ago praying the rosary, the Cross on my rosary broke in to 2 pieces. As I saw the 2 pieces of the cross on my rosary, I started to recall on the number of crucifixes I owned and has been playing up on me in the last year.

  • This rosary from the Vatican which was a gift from a a friend. Split in 2 pieces.
  • Hung in my car a rosary from Jerusalem, gifted to me by a friend whose mother came back from her pilgrimage. The Cross fell off and laid stuck between dashboard and windscreen.
  • Jesus on my red St. Benedict Cross which I have used as part of my chain for a few years decided to jump off his cross to the table fly away from me last year.
  • Another Metal St Benedict Cross I use as a replacement to the previous cross, keeps falling off from my metal chain.

At first I felt sad and abandoned with the thoughts broken Cross, is Jesus on the Cross giving up on me?. I started Googling the meanings of broken Cross, the results said it was a bad omen or even said its a disturbance of evil spirits.

Now not only did I feel sad but was also scared and in a bad mood at the same time. I was reluctant to do anything for the rest of the day until my evening prayer. I prayed PSALM 20, the Psalm was so appropriate for the time from the very first verse to the last. Here is my interpretation of the Psalm

Verse 1: God will protect me.

May the Lord answer in time of trial;
may the name of Jacob’s God protect you.

Verse 2: God will use all his might and strength to protect me as he never forgets that HE is my all.

May he send you help from his shrine
and give you support from Zion.
May he remember all your offerings
and receive your sacrifice with favor.

Verse 3: God will fulfill my plans and desires as I will continue to praise him.

May he give you your heart’s desire
and fulfill every one of your plans.
May we ring out our joy at your victory
and rejoice in the name of our God.
May the Lord grant all your prayers.

Verse 4: God will always be by side as he has chosen me.

I am sure now that the Lord
will give victory to his anointed,
will reply from his holy heaven
with the mighty victory of his hand.

Verse 5: Although many trust in superstitious believes of bad omen and evil spirits because of a broken Cross but I should not follow the herds mentality as I need to have my all rooted on God alone.

Some trust in chariots or horses,
but we in the name of the Lord.
They will collapse and fall,
but we shall hold and stand firm.

Verse 6: I must remain praising him as as God will always listen to me.

Give victory to the king, O Lord,
give answer on the day we call.

After this Psalm, I felt guilty that instead of believing in HIS love I thought that God was giving me a sign that he is going to strike me with lighting because of a few broken Crosses.

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